I am the one who leans back and trusts.

At our SoulCollage® and Poetry tele-class last month, Gail Warner gave us some beautiful time and space to write a poem based on one of our SoulCollage® cards.

Here is the card I drew and the poem I wrote:

Leaning back into joy
I am not afraid
Leaning back
I fall
I rest
I smile
I trust

Walking forward towards the light
I am not afraid
Walking forward
I move
with ease
I see
I trust

And so it is true
that leaning back
and walking forward
are exactly the same.

I encourage you to draw a card from your deck today and just jot down some words and phrases to create a simple poem either ABOUT the card or FROM the voice of the card. Go ahead… it’s easy!

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Inner Fears

FEAR

I’ve been doing a lot of deep soul work for a while now, and one thing that has come to my attention is the fact that I have been allowing Fear to run my life for a long time now.  At a workshop last fall I made this card (to the left) intentionally to honor the place that Fear has taken in my life.

Who are you?
We are the ones who are hiding out behind the windows and doors of your psyche. We are the ones (and there are many of us) who are afraid, who huddle together in your mind and whisper fears to you as you sleep and while you are awake.

We speak to you of powerlessness and joylessness. We paralyze you with our scary stories that are mostly false.

What Do You Have To Give Me?
We give you a sense of ancestral lineage… we give you a closeness to your mother that you never felt while she was alive.  We give you something to think about and focus on besides joy. We give you huge distraction from the present moment.  Sometimes, when the fear is valid, we give you time and a way to prepare, a way to meet the fearful thing or person.

What Do You Want From Me?
We want you to buy into our stories. We want you to believe that you are powerless to change what makes you afraid. We want you to always be afraid, because this way everything will stay the same. We don’t want things to change. We want you to continue to hold yourself tight in your fears and try to keep yourself safe that way.

Is There Anything Else You Want to Tell Me Today?
We are telling you that we have much power in your life and we are afraid that being aware of us will make you send us away. We are just now peeking out of our well-walled fortress and smelling the fresh air. Others have actually made their way down to the street and are on their way to freedom.  We have been with you so long, we are not sure what to do if you set us free.

FEARLESS

Fearless

At the same workshop, I made this card intuitively, not thinking about what it was all about. I was drawn to these images, and they seemed to fit together perfectly. When I worked with this card later, I realized that it was my Fearless card!

Who Are You?
I am the one who breathes fire, who plunges forward without looking. I am the one who bravely flies through the air, knowing and trusting that I will be caught.  I am the one whose body is strong and tall and who stands and moves proudly through life.

What Do You Have To GIve Me?
I give you strength and I give you courage. I give you fearless energy to move through your life. I give you joy in the moving forward.

What Do You Want From Me?
I want you to not hold back. I want you to JUST DO IT!  I want you to move forward with trust and strength. I want you to leave your fears behind. I want you to know that you can do whatever you set your mind and body to.

This whole adventure with these two cards was really eye opening for me!  It was a powerful example of how things are “at work” inside of us during this process even though we’re not aware of it!

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Here is a perfect example of how a card can change its meaning and message, over time.  When I first made this card, she seemed to be all about Authenticity. You can read my original writing about her here.

Today I drew her in my daily card reading, and as soon as I saw her, I said to myself “Ahh… Authenticity!”  But then I reminded myself not to label her. And I let her speak to me, right now, today, in this moment. Here is what she said:

I am the one who is standing strong and golden against the backdrop of the setting sun. The last time you saw me, the sun was rising, but right now it is a sunset you are seeing. Soon darkness will cover the earth and we will survive the darkness because we will remember this blessed golden light.

I am the one who presides over endings and beginnings.

My message for you today is this: pay attention to what is ending in your life. Pay attention to that which is beginning.

This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today!  And it so comforted and warmed me, to see this familiar face in my reading this morning, and to hear her speak to me in this moment, instead of continuing to repeat what she has told me before.

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I made this card in 2005, to help myself with the huge sadness I feel from time to time over not having my own children. I do have three stepchildren and was very active in their upbringing and their lives from the time they were in elementary school, BUT… it is not the same thing!

Who are you?
I am the one who doesn’t have my own children. I am the one who sees this as a choice, and also a loss.  I am the one with so much love to give and who gave all my love to my husband’s kids and now it feels like those bowls of given love are empty.  So much given, and nothing received. Where was the flow?

I am the one who bows under the weight of all this sadness, loss and pain.  I am the one who envies women with children.  I am the one who feels an empty place inside where my own daughter would have dwelled.

I am the one who bows heavily to the choices that I made, who understands those choices were not made alone, or quickly, who knows that this choice to remain childless was mainly made out of love for my husband, who already had three when I met him.

I am the one who knows that this decision is also blessed with light, but mostly I am the one who is weighted down with the burden of grief and loss.

What do you have to give me?
I give you a life that is free to be led in solitude, a life that is filled with all the things and people you love, a life of freedom from the responsibility that comes with having your own children.

What do you want from me?
I want you to acknowledge that there is blessing and light and joy in spite of the grief.  I want you to feel your grief, not deny it.  I want you to know that you are not alone.  I want you to know that you made the right choice.  I want you to remember that there is more to mothering than giving physical birth.  I want you to honor your choice to remain childless.

NOTE FROM A READING IN APRIL, 2007 (2 years later):

I am the one who sees the empty bowls as things of lightness and grace.  I am the one who is filling the bowls with good things, joy and memories laced with blessing, and with love.

I am the one who embraces the emptiness that these bowls offer.

My message to you today is this: the empty bowls have gifts to offer… embrace these gifts as you live into the Divine Mystery of birth in other areas of your sweet, precious life.

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Who Are You?
I am the one who is walking away. I am the one who has climbed the colorful blocks and is moving out the door to a new way of being.  I am the one who has put on my hat and is leaving this place for another, brighter place. I am the one who is trusting completely that I am moving to the next right place for me.

What Do You Have To Give Me?
I give you the knowing that it’s time to leave old parts of you behind. I give you bright red doors to walk through. I give you a new place to go to. I give you faith and joy and the excitement of the future.

What Do You Want From Me?
I want you to move on out those open doors. I want you to SEE those open doors, so you can easily walk through them. I want you to put on your hat and come with me. We don’t need the past anymore!  It’s time to freefall into the next phase of our life!

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